Miss Me First

I wanted you to miss me first
I wanted you to miss me first
I pulled away just to feel the weight
Of you reaching back before I break
I wanted you to miss me first
But the silence stayed and I stayed worse

I left spaces where your name used to sit
Watched the hours pile without a single hit
My chest kept waiting for the pull I planned
come find me come find me
I made myself smaller hoping you’d notice the gap
Hands cold from holding the distance too long
Every night I checked if the ache had moved to you
It never did it only grew in me

I wanted you to miss me first
I wanted you to miss me first
I pulled away just to feel the weight
Of you reaching back before I break
I wanted you to miss me first
But the silence stayed and I stayed worse

The plan was simple
Make you feel it first
Make you hunt the empty I left
But I was the only one left hunting
still waiting still waiting
I counted the days you didn’t ask
Each one cut a little deeper

I practiced the words I’d say when you cracked
Rehearsed the soft smile I’d give when you came back
None of it happened the quiet just thickened
almost almost almost
I kept the wound open so you’d see the blood
Skipped the nights I should have slept
Hoping the missing would finally switch sides
It never did it only lived in me

I wanted you to miss me first
I wanted you to miss me first
I pulled away just to feel the weight
Of you reaching back before I break
I wanted you to miss me first
But the silence stayed and I stayed worse

I wanted you
to miss me first
still waiting
still waiting
the silence stayed
and I stayed worse